Moving Day Apartment Tour

For those of you who don't already know, Spencer and I are moving. 
Again. 
Actually, TODAY!
 
So, I thought we would show you around our old apartment where we spend all of last winter.  Ironically, while you're reading this, we're in the process of boxing up our things to carry them all down the street to our new home.  I definitely wanted to photograph our apartment before moving so that we all can have a look back and see what this place used to look like.  I’m a bit sad to leave even though I started to despise being home because my allergic asthma has been torturous ever since they changed the pet policy at the beginning of May and started to allow dogs in the building.  Luckily, we quickly found a small, one-bedroom apartment that’s not to far from our current downtown studio and today we are finally able to move.  I wonder if I am going to be happy with our new place.  It’s nice and clean, but a bit more spacious then we actually like it to be.  There are hardwood floors throughout and lots of windows, but it just doesn’t have the stunning, uninterrupted view that our old studio had.  From anyplace in the house, even from the bed you were able to enjoy the skyline of downtown Salt Lake, with the mountains to each side and you were able to see all the way to the end of the valley.  There is no inspiring view to speak of at our new place, unless you’re talking religiously fear inspiring since we’re facing a gothic inspired cathedral, complete with gargoyles and “demon” waterspouts.  Can we be content with this change?  I’m not sure, but hey, now we get to move into a new place and decorate it and I’m sure it's going to be beautiful.  Most importantly, it will be a healthier place to live.

Anyway, I hope you enjoy this little mini apartment tour.  Please keep in mind, that we’re trying to keep everything as minimal and as essential as possible—we really like having it that way.

♡ Welcome
For this place, we tried to work with the space as best we could.  It’s a historic building in the middle of the city, none of the interior is new or newish and everything is a bit—no, a lot—lived in.  How’d they call in the advertisement?  Yes, historic charm.  That’s not too charming to me because I remember touring the apartment and completely disregarding the yucky kitchen and bathroom because there was a lot of natural light, more windows then I could count and a view that made my husband turn to me grinning and say “WE’LL TAKE IT!”




S P E N C E R 'S   C L O S E T   +   S T O R A G E   C U P B O A R D S
Let’s start at the door and walk from one room into the next.  First, to the right of the door we have my husband’s closet.  This closet is in a tiny room with a door, which also meant that he had the freedom to decorate it as he liked, or make a mess and then just close the door.






B A T H R O O M
To the left of the door and directly across from Spencer’s closet is the bathroom.  We quite enjoyed the old-style tile work.





N I N A 'S   V A N I T Y,   C L O S E T   +   S T O R A G E   C U P B O A R D S



There is nothing minimalist about this closet.
Someone loves makeup.  

There are lots of beauty bits on the counter.  I can assure you, they can all fit into the box, but for the most part, I like all my compacts, paint pots, lotions and perfumes at my fingertips. The build-in dresser holds all my clothes, except for a few pieces I hung out to wear this past week.  Sadly, much of the space in the dresser, the bottom drawer to be exact, is stuffed entirely with heavy winter sweaters and hoodies.  I asked my husband Spencer if we should do something about it.  Maybe pair down a few... however, he's convinced I'm in need of every single one of them because I'm always, ALWAYS cold.  While that's certainly true, right now I feel like I’m never going to have need for all these unappealing winter clothes.  I'd love to toss them all out of my closet and donate the whole lot to charity.  Surely, somebody might appreciate wearing them—in Siberia.

 




L I V I N G   R O O M
Our favorite room in the house and the place in which we spend most all of our time.








B E D R O O M


The bedroom is in the same room as the living room due to the murphy-bed that can pop in and out of the wall.  That’s by far, my husband’s favorite feature of the apartment.  The murphy-bed makes a comfortable place to sleep at night, but then it can fold up to leave only a large full length mirror visible.




K I T C H E N
This kitchen is tiny, but it’s been well loved.


 


I think that’s it!  I hope you enjoyed taking a look at our apartment.
♡ Nina

Social Adversity of an Allergic Asthmatic #2

As I was writing my last post about asthma,  I kept wondering how an asthmatic who's determined to swear off asthma medication is going to deal with potential health setbacks.  It made the idea seem even more unreasonable.  Is there going to be an open discussion about the ups and downs of one's health, or are we going to applaud health and shamefully hide noticeable symptoms of asthma.



I didn't think the topic offered much to talk about until my last asthma attack (thankfully, the only one in February) and the events leading up to it seemed to ludicrous to relate.  In short, I didn’t think I could talk about it.  In hindsight, it’s really disconcerting that I considered suffering quietly because what happened was too crazy to tell anyone.  You might ask how I got myself into this state.  I got cornered by a dog—not on my walk (something I'm always afraid of)—but in a bar type establishment toward the end of a night out.  And it wasn't just any dog, but a large Rottweiler, who to my surprise, was roaming freely inside the building.  I first noticed the animal when it came into the room and made a beeline towards me.  As it approached, I climbed onto my chair and then onto the wobbly dining table. 
I was wondering if I should I scream for help. 
Will the dog jump at me and bite if I do?

Luckily, at this point the waitress come down the stairs and into the room and raised her eyes when she spotted me standing on the table.  The dog leisurely walked off and urinated on the top of the staircase in front of me and the waitress.  Yes, you read this correctly.  This story involves animals urinating in public places.  I was not only scared to have an asthma attack, but I was horrified and I am still speechless about the fact the animal peed inside the building and the urine ran down the stairs and dripped from the ceiling into the poolroom below.  This is so disgusting!

Of course, I suffered a massive asthma attack that night as a consequence and I felt shitty for days, but still, the whole story sounded just crazy.  And what an irony it is, that something this unusual and disgusting happened to the person who's allergic to dogs.  I am not reckless and I don't stumble un-informed through life.  I know there are many, many places that are simply off-limits for me because there will be dogs.  I have to take great care in planning my outings.  On this particular night, I made a big deal about not wanting to visit any grubby dive bar and everybody agreed on this location to accommodate me. 

If anyone from Salt Lake City is reading this and wonders what bar I’m talking about—it's the Beer Hive.  From the way the situation was handled, I am assuming the dog belongs to the owner or one of the waitresses and they think it’s no big deal to have a loose animal in a place that serves food and drinks.

I know making a choice to speak against allowing dogs in public places isn't a popular topic for discussion, and I certainly don't expect many others to share it.  On the other hand, there are health codes in place that prohibit pets (with the exception of service animals) in restaurants, bars and grocery stores.  Why is it then, when it comes to dogs, that some people bypass the law and decency and do things just because they can, even if it creates problems for others.

Unfortunately, this issue really effects my health and makes it impossible to calculate potential dangers.  I can never tell if I might encounter a dog in my day even if I've researched and confirmed the pet policy of a location in advance.  So, partly because of it, even though my blog chronicles the efforts I make to manage my asthma, I know I'm going to get sick sometimes.  There will be times, in which I will be affected by symptoms of asthma and there will be times in which I will be struck down by a full blown asthma attack.  I can't predict my health or any health setbacks I might have, but I commit to being upfront about it.  I am sure, with time, I can joke and laugh about incidents like this one and for now, there is no reason to keep being sick a secret.

Right this moment, it is difficult to envision myself being actively effected by my asthma because I am feeling well.  On the other hand, I am very much afraid of being unwell and living through so much pain again.  With asthma, it’s the absolute fear of not being able to breathe, of loosing control, and ultimately, of dying.  Of course it’s terrifying!  Even though I fear I can't handle yet another asthma attack and I try so hard to guard myself against dangers and I carry emergency medication, the next asthma attack might only be minutes away.  I would never know!

I wonder, what are appropriate actions to report health code violations like this one?  I also noticed that many people who like to bring their pet with them at all times are unaware of disturbing or endangering others.  A pet in a public place is often a hygienic concern or could cause allergic reactions.  What is a good way to bring awareness to the issue?

♡ Nina




  You might also like...
  Social Adversity of an Allergic Asthmatic #1    



Disclaimer:  Thank you to everyone who takes the time out to read the things I have to say.  I'm not an expert or professional!  My advice is genuine and based on my own experience as a severely allergic asthmatic.  I am hoping my writing can suggest reasonable solutions to anyone that may need it and maybe bring awareness to those interested in the topic.  Thank you!

Allergic Asthma: The “Cure” Pushers

Unfortunately, there is no known cure for asthma at this point.  On the other hand, there are many new and interesting findings in alternative medicine to treat chronic diseases like asthma and allergies.  While this is something I’m very excited about, I like to address the troubling issue of asthma cure and remedy pushers in the alternative medicine field.  These pushers can be anyone from professionals or semi-professionals in a certain area of wellness, to lifestyle changes your friends or neighbors might suggest to you. 



I'm all for alternatives, doing things the natural way, and putting less chemicals in or on my body.  But managing my asthma needs to be done reasonably and safely.  False advertisement of a cure is not safe.  Quite frankly, advising someone with a chronic disease to willy-nilly abandon the medication in favor of starting a lifestyle change seems reckless and dangerous.   But that’s the trend I am seeing.  It’s either one way or the other.  It’s either traditional medicine or alternative medicine and lifestyle changes.

In general, I am highly skeptical of any asthma and allergy treatment or product—natural or otherwise—that claims to be a “cure” for my ailment.  I agree that some natural therapies and approaches help to manage symptoms of my allergic asthma.  For instance, avoidance of allergens and triggers, aerobic fitness to strengthen lung function, and consuming nutritious foods to maximize the body's immune defense.  But it’s not a cure!  Just like any medication for asthma and allergies, most of these lifestyle changes might work really well to manage one’s asthma and allergies, but they aren’t cures.  Sometimes, I feel people don’t understand this.  Most everybody can form an opinion on this topic from conventional knowledge and the genuine desire to help someone. 

For example, in the beginning of 2014, yoga instructor and wellness coach Rachel Brathen, used her popular online platform to share her opinion on asthma management.  In form of a heartfelt and sometimes gut-wrenchingly honest article, the author related her lifelong asthma journey, but in the end the message was clear:  follow my lifestyle because just like me, you won’t need your medication.  According to the article, it was her fiancé that insisted “you don’t need this [rescue inhaler]” and hence Brathen’s new year’s resolution: “This year, I will run.  I will breathe.   And I will not use my inhaler.”   

Understandably, some people are against conventional medication and doctors and like to choose alternative ways to heal their body.  Unfortunately, this trend often goes hand in hand with shaming anyone who needs medication to feel guilty for putting toxins into their body.  Rachel Brathen’s article is one example for this type of body shaming.  Brathen’s fiancé made her feel guilty for keeping a rescue-inhaler for emergencies and now she is leading by example, implying that asthma is a matter of determination and mindset. 

As much as I would like to belief that a wholesome vegan lifestyle and exercise will build my body into a temple of health and beauty, it’s not that simple.  Sometimes it isn’t just mind over matter, changing ones diet, going all natural, exercising and wellness.  And that’s what alternative allergy and asthma treatments are missing in my opinion:  moderation.  When it comes to breathing we are all the same, asthmatic or not.  We all need to breathe.   It should be OKAY if someone needs medication to breathe.   And it’s OKAY if some individual feels that they can manage their asthma without medication.  At the same time, this decision shouldn't be influenced by blame and body-shaming of any kind.  And as well-meaning as some advocates of lifestyle changes may be, I don’t think everyone should cold turkey follow someone’s advise, go vegan, start yoga and assume this makes them invincible.

I am not going to ritually kiss my asthma medication goodbye and throw it into the garbage bin.  I can’t predict how long it will take for lifestyle changes to strengthen my body (I have been a strict vegetarian for 20 years and I am continuously adjusting my lifestyle).  I can’t say, I can safeguard myself indefinitely from all allergens and triggers.  What if something freaky happens that’s completely out of my control and I die because I am insisting to treat asthma only the natural way.  It is unreasonable to assume I can protect myself from everything.  I also think it’s so dangerous to advice people to throw out their medication, but it is something I have seen health gurus suggest (in health literature, but especially online). 

While I'm desperately hoping for a cure for my allergic asthma, I am under no illusion that I might have to walk through my entire life with a chronic disease.  Because of it, I like to look at alternative medicine from a more meditative standpoint:  a continuous repetition of good self-care.  In this way it is easier for me to accept that health is not accomplished in a day, a week or even months—it’s a lifetime maintenance commitment.  And as depressing as this may seem in my weakest and bleakest moments, knowing this gives me hope:  I can nurture and heal my body… and I have to do it every day.

I would like to stress that I am not going to shame or blame anyone for how they manage their asthma and take care of their body.  On the other hand, I am not in favor of unsolicited preaching of so-called cures.

♡ Nina

Disclaimer:  Thank you to everyone who takes the time out to read the things I have to say.  I am not an expert or professional!  My advice is genuine and based on my own experience as a severely allergic asthmatic.  I am hoping my writing can suggest reasonable solutions to anyone that may need it and maybe bring awareness to those interested in the topic.

Post Asthma Attack

Asthma is long-term chronic inflammatory disease.  It takes a while for lungs to recover fully from a severe attack, sometimes days and sometimes several weeks. 
If you don’t have asthma, this might come as a surprise to you.  Nowadays, most people understand the basics of what’s going on during an asthma attack, but the long term affects are rarely discussed.  Unfortunately, when the initial asthma attack is over, you’re not okay.  You’re most likely drugged up on the medication that stopped the most acute breathing problems.  You're physically and mentally exhausted and the body is trying to recover.

During this time of recovery, breathing will be shallow and you may have minor attacks.  You'll need to take it easy and be extra careful to avoid anything that tends to trigger your asthma, such as allergens, cigarette smoke, extreme temperatures, dust, or pollen.  Depending on the place you live, you may also want to monitor the air quality in your city and avoid spending time outside on smoggy days.  
It's possible that you may need to use a rescue inhaler and other medication daily or even a few times during the day to prevent another asthma attack.  The body might actively deal with inflammation, expelling of toxins and drug side effects .  All of which can be very exhausting.  Getting rest or a good night’s sleep might be difficult to achieve since the horizontal makes it much harder to breathe, exacerbating the body’s overall fatigue.  



For the sake of this article, I would like to discuss the most recent asthma attack I suffered this year.  I'm highly allergic to dogs, so going to public places (the grocery store, the library, taking a bus or commuter train) where people are not supposed to bring their pet dog but do, triggered my attack.  
Over the last few days I had small breathing problems that were easy to get over by cleaning myself of allergens and taking a bit of medication.  For me, it's a two strikes of that and a third one will be the terrible-knock-me-off-my-feet-up-all-night-crying-in-pain asthma attack.  

I did not sleep much that night, but in the morning the acute symptoms were gone.  I was a mess, but I was unwilling to cancel my plans despite feeling lousy.  I was supposed to go snow tubing with my family.   I kept telling myself that this was probably a 'save' activity to do.  Who will bring a dog to go snow tubing? 
Right, I would probably be save there?  No need to cancel and ruin the family trip for everyone!  
It would be fun.  
Well, fun is a stretch.  It was freezing outside and when I'm recovering I'm usually much more sensitive to the cold then normally, weak and sort of dazed.  
At the same time, I understand how beneficial a bit of cardio and positive social interactions can be to the healing process.  

All the physical activity in the fresh air will speed up the recovery.  I know it will be hard and painful, but the exercise will help me breathe out some of the nasties.  

(I usually take a walk or easy hike after an asthma attack.  I like to refer to this was my zombie walk, because this is the state I feel like and the speed I move at.  Physical activity, even walking or hiking can be extremely painful post asthma attack. I like to walk for at least 1 hour and during the first 20 to 30 minutes I'm getting really cold, but at the same time I feel like I'm having a fever in my chest and in my head.  My lung feels like its blown up like a big balloon and pressing up against my rib cage, it's hurting quite a bit and I feel like steam is rising from the inside of me up my throat.  I'm a big, sweaty, zombie mess, but around the 30 minute mark something changes, all symptoms stop, I'm breathing better than I have in days and I have the energy to continue to walk or hike strongly for hours.  I usually get rather hungry shortly after I feel better.  I can't quite explain what exactly is happening to my system during my scary zombie walks, but I strongly feel that this is for me the quickest (most painful) road to recovery after an asthma attack.)

Anyways, I also did not wanted to sit at home crying with my beaten down body waiting to recover.  

So, I bundled my feverish body into so many layers until I resembled the Michelin man, carried a hot water bottle with me for extra warmth and ate a spartan, but tasty breakfast.  After an asthma attack, I generally don’t have an appetite for and I can’t stomach anything, but simple and mostly raw foods.



I covered my face in anti-itch cream and make-up so that the post asthma boils on my cheeks wouldn’t make me look diseased.  For those who wonder about this part, I usually break out on my cheeks and upper lip after an asthma attack.
I felt like I was bullying my body to do what I wanted to do.  
I did fine all day, but at the same time I wasn’t fine.  It’s like having the flu and you drag yourself places despite of it, forcing a smile and an upbeat attitude.  All the while you feel drained, heavy, achy and strangely floating through your day.  It's not a good feeling.  On days like this I feel like I'm not really part of life.  And I want to be there so badly.  

Also, what are you supposed to do with your life when you’re still feeling so unwell?  It happens so often.  Are you supposed to hide in our own space until you feel better?  Are you supposed to be all gentle and nurturing to your body, or is it acceptable to kick your health into gear?  Are you suppose to hide how you’re feeling and doing or is it acceptable to share your pain with others?  
The situation gets really squirmy if I say: “I had a bad asthma attack last night and I slept two hours, I’m hopped up on my medication, I’m feverish, my ribcage feels bruised, I’m itchy and I have large, gross boils on my cheeks.”  
It doesn't seem like an acceptable thing to say today or any other day.  But why?  If you have asthma, I'm sure you know what I'm talking about.  It's really difficult to share with others what asthma does to you.  

That's one problem, but it gets worse when sympathetic people like to come up with a solution or a cure on the fly:
- "Have you seen such and such specialist about your asthma."
- "Have you tried using essential oils?"
- "You should expose yourself to your allergens more and desensitize yourself!"  
- "You should drink apple cider vinegar!  It will cure your lungs!"

Seriously?  🙈 😳

Describing what it's like to have asthma is not easy and it's why I attempt to write about my struggles with it here.  And maybe what I share can be helpful or reassuring to someone.  


The following list shows symptoms that linger after the initial asthma attacked passed:


Problems sleeping.

Shortness of breath. Even after the asthma attack, shortness of breath is a major source of distress.  Breathing may be shallower and more rapid and the muscles at the base of the neck and between the ribs may be more exaggerated than normal.  Being hunched over in order to make breathing easier, sore shoulders, back pain and a sore ribcage from lungs that expanded and weren’t able to properly breathe out during the asthma attack are physical long term affects. 
However, in some cases it might be difficult to know how well one’s lungs function.  As a child, being medicated for asthma daily and under constant doctor’s supervision, I often did not feel as short of breath or uncomfortable as would be expected from measurements of my lung function or oxygen levels.  To my understanding at the time, my physical condition was significantly better then being in the midst of one of my serious and sometimes life-threatening asthma attacks.  Not until my later teens did I know what real breathing is like.  I wondered miserably, if this is how a normal person feels like every day, what was I doing?

Wheezing when breathing out is nearly always present during an attack and often afterwards too. Wheezing is a whistling sound caused by narrowed airways do to inflammation.  This inflammation will have to heal after the asthma attack and it can take days or weeks depending how severe the asthma attack was or how successful the asthmatic avoided exposure to new triggers (allergic or secondary triggers).

Inflammation. The end of an attack is often marked by a cough that produces thick, stringy mucus.  After the initial acute attack, inflammation lasts for days to weeks, often without symptoms. The inflammation itself must still be treated, however, because it usually causes relapse or could lead to chronic inflammation which can damage the lungs.

Sweating and flu-like symptoms.  An asthma attack is intensely taxing on the body and could sometimes lead to hot flashes during and after the attack.  On the other hand, in the hours, sometimes even days after the attack I am often unable to feel comfortably warm.

Skin rash, itchy and dry skin.
I usually break out on my cheeks, upper lip and chest after an asthma attack.  The skin on my lips often feels thin and dry, the nose can be in pretty rough state from constant blowing and wiping.  If you have allergic asthma like me then you might also notice puffy and red eye lids and eye area.

Fatigue and poor sleep.  Severe asthma really affects a person’s quality of life.  In the days after an asthma attack, I'm very easily fatigued and this can make the most basic daily activities a struggle.  Sometimes it is unclear if I'm fatigued from the attack or because my body is working overtime to fight infection, fighting allergens and thus uses much of my energy in healing processes.  In addition to fatigue and weakness, having trouble breathing can make sleeping at night difficult.  Poor sleep or the lack thereof only worsens the fatigue. 

Coughing.  Coughing is one of the most obvious and outward symptom of asthma.  Coughing continues after the asthma attack as the body deals with the mucus and inflammation of the airways.  Sometime, especially in combination with a cold, this cough can be even more distressing than wheezing or sleep disturbances.

Chest tightness or pain.  While chest tightness and pain may be an early indicator of a serious attack, afterwards the ribcage in the chest area might feel bruised on the inside from the expanded lung during the asthma attack.

Rapid heart rate.  Over-exhaustion of the body and lungs may lead to a racing heart, but often the culprit for this symptom is a medication side effect.

 ♡ Nina

If you enjoyed this article then you may also like my other asthma articles:
How to Rid your Home of Asthma Triggers?
Decontamination Action Plan
Allergic Asthma: The “Cure” Pushers
Psychological Effects of Asthma
Social Adversity of an Allergic Asthmatic


Disclaimer:
Thank you to everyone who takes the time out to read the things I have to say. I'm not an expert or professional! My advice is genuine and based on my own experience as a severely allergic asthmatic. I'm hoping my writing can be an example to anyone that may need it and maybe bring awareness to those interested in the topic.

Psychological Effects of Asthma

Each person’s experience with asthma is different but many asthmatics commonly experience feelings of social stigma, embarrassment, blame and self-blame. 

This idea isn’t news to me but recent events brought the topic fresh into my mind.  A few days ago, I had what I like to call an “asthma fail.”  That is to say, I failed to judge my environment properly and I failed to take appropriate self-care.  (The details:  I visited a museum that explicitly stated it did not allow dogs and I went out to lunch with my family without going through my excessive decontamination practices.  I only washed my hands and face before changing into freshly laundered clothing when I returned home.)  I paid for such reckless neglect with a full-blown asthma attack in the wee hours of the night.

WHAT?  Even as I am writing this down now, I am shocked by my rational.  It’s not healthy to think this way!  Sure, my asthma attack was a consequence of my actions but I certainly do not deserve to suffer.

At the time of my asthma attack, I was embarrassed and furious at myself and my body.  I was mad, disconnected from whom I am, physically exhausted and emotionally tapped out.  I kept saying “This is not fair!” and referred to “my misbehaving body” in the third person: “You’re lucky it’s not 2050 because I would so leave you behind and move on without you!”  It wasn’t a pretty sight and it was hours filled with self-loathing, blame and embarrassment.

On a happier note, I did eventually snap out of it.  And it is good to find and restore your humility after feeling so gutted.



I recommend reading The Secret’s meditation on health. It is beautiful and sad to read, especially after recent experience of great pain, fear of death and bouts of self-loathing.

S O C I A L   S T I G M A   +   E M B A R R A S S M E N T

I feel nervous to talk about the psychological effects of allergic asthma as it is a sensitive topic and because I can only speak of my own experiences.  I stared this blog partly because I am tired of having to hide the reality of living and coping with asthma and because it is often difficult and embarrassing to talk about it.  

Most obviously, my often poor physical state, vulnerability and helplessness are topics embarrassing to discuss.  Simple inquisitive statements like “tell me about your attack” and well meaning “I hope you figure your asthma out soon and get well” are conversation starters more loaded than you expect them to be.  Misunderstandings, misconceptions, gaps of asthma specific knowledge and the differences between the realities of asthmatics and non-asthmatics can be alienating.  Asthma is a serious disease, but few people can truly understand how dangerous it can be.  For example, it is easy to underestimate allergic asthma when thinking allergies equals sniffles and itchiness instead of causing life-threatening symptoms that need medical attention.

For some people it is even difficult to believe you’re ill if there is nothing much to be seen.  “How does it hurt as much as you say it does…you don’t look too bad?”  “Why can’t you do or take something for it and move on with your life?”  People who have seen me have an asthma attack or taken off in an ambulance tend to be much more understanding than those who haven’t.  Yet, my yearning for inclusion, understanding and sometimes empathy doesn’t mean I am going to have a show-and-tell for everyone.  I would like to preserve some of my dignity.  Not breathing is a strange pain and sadly, it is more painful than you expect it to be.

In addition, the dependency on medication is embarrassing and sometimes even controversial.  Sure, it is off-putting for me to take an inhaler and medication in public or in front of people.  However, to my surprise, having to rely on medication this urgently is shocking to most people.  It does not help to be criticized for drugs you take in an emergency or drugs necessary to manage asthma.  Medication drugs are often harshly criticized for the negative impact they have on the body even though those same drugs are critical to the asthmatics well-being and survival.  On the other hand, taking a stand against traditional medicine and drugs is equally controversial.  Ultimately, anyone with an opinion might blame you for taking medication or they might blame you if you don’t.   

F E E L I N G S   O F   B L A M E   +   G U I L T 

I just recently started to admit to having allergic asthma (to dogs, easily most people’s favorite animal) to anyone who’ll listen.  I am no longer ashamed to speak my mind but it is also not an easy topic to discuss.

Asthma is difficult to discuss because it is a variable condition that affects everyone differently and everyone deals with it differently, too.  For this reason, your friends, family, your partner, work colleagues or boss may have a lot of questions or opinions about your asthma prompted by genuine concern, puzzlement or even sheer curiosity.  It can be frustrating, humiliating and hurtful when you have to explain yourself.  My body and my health are deeply personal to me and it is not something I’d like to discuss with just anyone.  It's your choice who you choose to tell and how much detail you want to offer.  There is no point to explain your medical history to someone who’s strongly opinionated and pessimistic.  However, most people are well-meaning and like to help as best they can; often offering “cures” that worked in their life: their trusted doctor, chiropractor, holistic treatment or special dietary regiment.  Explaining myself further and disagreeing to try their suggestions burdens me to think I deserve to suffer because I don’t listen.  Did someone just offer me a solution that would make all my allergy and asthma symptoms disappear and I am perversely not taking it?

Apart from explaining my asthma and justifying my coping and treatment mechanisms, I also struggle with a variety of difficult questions on a regular basis.  Who is to blame?  And what’s the cause (of asthma)?  Even speculations on the matter could be tremendously difficult and hurtful (to the asthmatic, relatives and friends). 

W H O   I S   T O   B L A M E ?

The asthmatic?  The environment?  Family and friends?  The doctor? 

Logically, the blame falls mostly onto the one who’s ill.  Caught up in this game of finding blame, this person might then go pointing fingers elsewhere.  Admittedly, I tend to snap when I’m caught in my less graceful moments.  I understand it’s not beneficial to have an elevator pitch for my asthma with its main point saying “back off,” however; dropping the conversation is often favorable to swallowing ignorance, blame and accusations.  These are the things I never say:

“I suppose it’s my fault that (insert hurtful personal incident/resentment here) and now I’m inconvenience everyone by being ill.  Sorry to bother you!  I suppose you’re right, I just haven’t seen the right doctor yet.  The one with the miracle drug that will cure me with the special thing he does.  I guess I just haven’t thought more than three minutes about it!  …  Are you kidding me?  I had allergic asthma since childhood and it is not news to me like it is to you…”

My point is none of the blame and accusations help anyone feel better.  Proper insight into the reality of an asthmatic might undo the unnecessary psychological burdens that come with asthma.  Minimizing the psychological effects is necessary for physical well-being and happy relationships.  None of which can be achieved by keeping asthma a secret or with an elevator pitch that pushes people away.  Likewise, opening up to anyone with an opinion on asthma can be stressful and frustrating.  To the asthmatic I’d say: be kind and tactfully avoid an argument.  To the non-asthmatic I’d say: be kind because anyone who is unwell needs forces of healing, instead of alienation, pessimism or blame.

♡ Nina

Disclaimer:

Thank you to everyone who takes the time out to read the things I have to say.  I am not an expert or professional!   My advice is genuine and based on my own experience as a severely allergic asthmatic.   I am hoping my writing can suggest reasonable solutions to anyone that may need it and maybe bring awareness to those interested in the topic.

Social Adversity of an Allergic Asthmatic

Yesterday, my husband declared, “we’re going grocery shopping when I get home from work!”  The announcement felt like a threat.  What now, am I afraid to leave the house?  I am.  And I am definitely afraid to go grocery shopping.  In the end, I decided to forgo all dangers and waited in the car while my husband went shopping.

I am not brave enough to step outside my safety bubble.  If I am not careful, I keep getting exposed to dogs!  People bring their pets everywhere these days, especially grocery stores. Growing up I remember businesses had a place to leash up your pet with bowls of fresh water.  I suppose nowadays my husband can leash me up out front.

On a happier note, I can report I’ve been outside my apartment on occasion and I have interacted with people face to face other than my husband.  On the other hand, I planned these outing well in advance and I calculated all potential environmental risks.  So, no, I haven't really been part of life and I have been hiding.  The good news is though that I have been healthy and non-medicated since last year—that is almost three weeks and I am thrilled about it!
But I am also scared!

I don’t want to be sick again!  I want to avoid allergic reactions so that my body can recover from its chronic inflammatory state.  I also fear the pain and helplessness of not breathing.  Now that I feel well, I can’t bare the thought of experiences so much pain and worrying about suffocation.  I don’t want exposure to potential health hazards.  But, I also want to be part of life again.  Oh my!
So, it’s baby steps for me.

Keep moving forward,
♡ Nina